The 6 Gears of Lesbian Dating Every Lesbian Must Know!
If you are reading this article, you are one of two things. You may have recently gotten the courage to come out of the closet and to that I say congratulations! This is the beginning of the rest of your life in total freedom and acceptance. The second option is that you have been single for a while and you are ready to go back onto the bandwagon.
Either way, here are a few tips and suggestions that might help you in getting the right partner and having a good relationship. None of it is written in stone, but I believe these are some of the basic things that affect lesbian dating and relationships in general.
1. Be Completely Single
You may laugh at this point and it is understandable, but most people get into new relationships without completely sealing the box of the last fling. Women tend to be sensitive and highly attached to their partners. You may have a huge fight with your previous partner and you are trying to get into a new relationship as a way to punish or forget them.
This is extremely dangerous and very hurtful, especially to the new person that will be caught up in the drama. Therefore, to avoid confusion and broken hearts, make sure you cut off all the strings attaching you to your ex before getting into a new relationship. Make sure that it is clear on both sides that the relationship is no longer on. Less baggage equals more chances of a relationship working out.
2. Put yourself out there
Assuming you haven’t already found someone to date, it is important that you put yourself out for people to see you. Lesbian dating can be difficult especially in regions where gay rights are not as pronounced as they should be. You cannot, therefore, sit at home and expect someone to find you. You have to purpose to meet new people.
You can do this by going to lesbian bars and clubs, joining social media groups for lesbians or trying out online dating. Be open to meeting new people. Although the whole world does not have to know your sexual orientation, do not shy away from acknowledging you are a lesbian. That you will find yourself creating a network of like-minded people and soon, you will have a list of girls/women to choose from.
3. Know yourself and what you want
A huge problem that lesbians have, is correctly identifying themselves. Labels are slowly being wiped away in the 21st century, but that does not mean that people do not have preferences. There are butch, femme and stem lesbians.
Butch women are more masculine and therefore dress and act as such. Femme lesbians, on the other hand, are completely feminine and unless they tell you, you wouldn’t know whether they are gay or not. Lastly, there is the stem lesbian who is basically a beautiful cocktail of the first two types. Stem lesbians may dress in a masculine way but spot a feminine hairstyle or vice versa.
You should know what kind of lesbian you are, but do not feel confined. After figuring this out, know what kind of woman you want to date. There are women who find butch lesbians intimidating. There are those who already identify as butch and would rather have a more feminine partner. Whatever your preference is, be proud and consistent with it. Again, this does not mean you should lock yourself inside a box. If you are a recently out lesbian, you can use the first few months as a time for experimentation.
4. Have a wing person and meet in public
So you have been talking for a while online and you finally feel comfortable to set up a meeting? The best thing to do is to set the first date in a public place. This especially applies to people who chose the online lesbian dating route.
In as much as it is great to meet new people, you have to realize that there are hateful people out there who despise gay people and would do anything to bring them harm. Other women are lesbians for sure but they may have one or two negative attributes. Therefore make sure that the first place you decide to meet in is either a park, an open restaurant etc.
Also, make sure to go with a wing person. This can be your best friend, a sister, or a lesbian friend. The latter is mostly encouraged because a more experienced lesbian friend will be able to help you identify the pros and cons of a potential partner, some that you may not know about. If you do not have a lesbian friend yet, then take a trusted friend and listen to their opinions once the date is done.
5. Listen and Communicate
Lesbian dating, like any other form of dating, requires interaction between two people. There cannot be any form of interaction without communication. You should remember that communication is a two-way traffic. You have to voice out your thoughts and feelings, while at the same time listening and taking in the other person’s thoughts.
If it is a first time, allow your date to do most of the talking. Listen and pay attention to what they say, their body language and general language. This will instantly help you gauge whether they are a person you could go on a second date with or not.
Be open-minded and accommodating, but do not lower your standards just so as to be in a relationship. If you find yourself often wondering when your date will stop talking, then perhaps they are not the one for you.
In the case that you have been dating for a while, make sure to always say what is on your mind, within reason. Do not assume that your partner knows what is going through your mind. If they are doing something that you dislike, then tell them, in a gentle loving manner. In the same way, do not shy away from encouraging them and reminding them that you love them. These little things are the glue that keeps most relationships together.
6. Do not rush
No matter what you do, do not rush into a relationship. You may be fresh from the closet and you cannot wait to get on the train that is lesbian dating, but remember relationships are not games. When it comes to matters of the heart, you ought to be as careful as you can be.
Do not be quick to jump into the sack with someone that you barely know. Build your relationship on trust and sincere like. Do not agree to officially date until your whole being is in agreement of the same. Do not feel the pressure to be in a relationship until you are ready. This is your life and only you should have a say in it.
Frankly, lesbian dating could be such a great thing to get involved in if appropriate measures are taken. You only need to do your best always and things will work out as per your expectations.